Shift the question. Shift the outcome.
Most people approach behavior as a problem to solve.
They see something someone is doing, and they ask:
“How do I fix this?”
Strong leaders ask a different question:
“What is this behavior trying to tell me?”
When you shift the question, you shift the outcome.
Because it’s not personal.
It’s predictable
TL;DR
Why this is the stronger question.
Underneath all behavior is a brain working hard to feel SAFE. (More on BrainSAFE here.)
And all behavior is giving us information.
There’s data in the drama, my friend.
Behavior is constantly signaling whether someone is operating from SAFEty or stress.
And - note that it is NOT our job to decide IF someone else should feel stressed. That is a personal decision because the brain reacts based on what feels safe or unsafe to that person. (We can talk way more on how to retrain the brain, but for today let’s stop with that.)
Now, when people feel stressed, their behavior typically shows up in one of four patterns:
Fight – resistance, non-compliance
Flight – poor decisions, avoidance, bad habits
Fawn – complacency, over-accommodation
Freeze – inertia, shutdown, lack of action
And here’s the thing, the brain will do almost anything to feel safe - even when the behavior isn’t helpful to the person or the people around them.
These stress behaviors are called Tells.
And every Tell is sending the same basic message:
“I don’t feel safe here.”
The Tells process for leaders
This is where the Tells tool becomes powerful.
Instead of trying to “fix” the behavior, strong leaders:
Notice the Tell
What behavior are we seeing?Identify the Strength
What SAFE need is this behavior protecting?Make a Shift
What small change would increase safety and forward motion?
When you shift the question, you shift the outcome.
Because it’s not personal.
It’s predictable.